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I'm going into one of my moods again. I'm listening to one or two songs on repeat. I think it's because I just need some down time. Just have time for me, my work and those who are close to me. All others can just fade into the background and leave me be for a while. I need to rejuvenate and centre myself again. I'm too spread out. I'm getting tired of everything and it's not even the end of February yet. Those whoh have known me for a while know what I'm doing. Those who haven't will learn. I'm trying to get a grip on my life again. I always have a hard time at this time of the year for some reason. Maybe that's one reason for my little episode last year at this time. I hope this year I don't make any mistakes that will harm what I have. I'm bound to do so though. Just who I am. I must not lose faith and if I start to, will someone please knock some sense into me. I don't have my grandmother to lead me through this. I don't have her guiding strength to point me in the right direction anymore. I didn't last year either but some how made it through. This year just seems so much harder though. I've had to start moving on from losses that I've suffered in the past year and a half. That night in May always seems to come back to my memory. Why does it seem that I lose those close to me? I'm losing my battle with my fears and it's not a good thing. I need help through this. Wow, I actually asked for help. See I am vulnerable, not some strong person that can walk straight through everything. I'm not who everyone sees. Only a few have really seen who I am. Only a few will see me cry. Not the little tears coming out of my eyes, movie crying. But full out 'who-the-hell-died' sobbing. I'm going to go to bed now and try to get some sleep. I really am starting to miss, closing my eyes and heading straight of to dreamland. It's been a while and I miss it. So I'll pray for sleep as God keeps you all safe and blessed.