Wierdness, strangeness. You pick.

Well it's been a while since I've last been here. A bunch of stuff has happen. Well not a bunch, just stuff. Anyways... Well I know in my last one I was complaining about relationships and how they suck and blah, blah, blah... Well the Tuesday after that I got back together with my boyfriend. I had figured out that I was stupid and didn't realise what exactly I was feeling for him. Out of all the decisions that I have made in my life, I only regretted the one I made when I broke up with my boyfriend. Well anyways, I thought that I thought of him as just a friend because the butterfly feeling in my stomach had gone. After considerable amounts of thinking, (I know, it's bad for your health.) I finally realised that my feelings had actually become more than I thought they could ever. I was stupid, and I know it but that's just life. You never know what's going to jump out and bite you in the behind.
Anyways last night I dug out my old photo albums and looked at pictures of people that I haven't seen in years or months or whatever. It was interesting. I never knew what and who I'd miss. It's just strange. I keep living my life out and going by from day to day and never thinking of all the people I used to know and hang with. It's a blast from the past and it can make you so sad not to see these people grow up. I also looked at recent pictures and it was quite a sight to see. I saw how people had grown up and what they look like now. It's just so strang to think that the last time I really saw most of them was six and a half years ago. It's almost depressing. I do wish I could still be in the Hat and had grown up with all those people. My life would have been so different and I would have been so different. It's true that I would have never met all the people I know here but if I hadn't of met them I wouldn't miss them. But then again the people I know now have shaped my life and helped me to grow in many ways. I would be so, so different and I do like the way I am. But when I go back down to Medicine Hat in the summer I know I'll want to see a whole bunch of people. See what they're like now after seven years. How have they grown up and how are they now? It' s just really wierd. So I'll quit rambling now and let all you wonderful people go back to your everyday lives. God Bless!

That's life....

Well life is just peachy isn't it? One second you're happy, then you're not, then you're happy again and you turn back to the unhappiness again. My life has been an emotional rollercoaster these last few weeks. I was really happy in my relationship and then all of a sudden it went sour and I couldn't get my feelings back. It was one of the strangest things that has happened to me. Usually when I like I guy I like them for a long time and can't get over them. Just look at my relationships with Tyler and Jason. I still like those guys too much for my own good. I just can't comprehend everything that seems to be happening with me. It's just not me. So I got out of my relationship with Esben at the beginning of this week and I was so happy. My mood had lighten and I was laughing and smiling more. Then Wednesday came around and destroyed that feeling. It just left again. I hate it when I just seem to switch to a different person and don't know why. I just don't know anything anymore. I'm all mixed up and backwards. So many songs are running through my head depicting my life right now. They're all blending together. Making my life a bigger mess to sort out than it has to be. And now in a week I'll be heading to TUXIS and that'll be great. I'll be able to sort some of this web of tangles out but then I'll come back from my retreat and just fall back into the routine and get even more tangled. Ah well, life is hell and there's really nothing that's going to fix that unless you do it yourself. Nobody can come and save me from my life. I need to learn that and remember. I just can't sit around and wait for a knight in shining armour to come and whisk me away to a place far away from here. Nothing like that is going to happen unless I get myself strighten out. I'm just rambling on again but I seem to need to do that to sort myself out. I'm hoping I'll come back to my original self in a while. We'll see. I'll live and get through this. With the love of all of my friends, I think I'll get through it. God Bless.